Fizzling of a dream: and Resurrection

Accepting Responsibility

The reason writing is more difficult than reading is because we don’t care to think too much about what we read. Or even worse, as is in my case, thinking about what we read, drawing the understanding, facing some contradictions to the long-held beliefs, but not putting enough effort to consciously imbibe the lessons. It is easier to leave the strongly held thoughts or absence of thoughts unchallenged, than to let a new light stay long enough to question everything.

Our insecurities force us to remain in the safe, non-thinking zone. I confess giving in to this line of thought and resolve to consciously overcome it.

Thinking exerts a lot of self-contradictions and requires the willingness to face counterintuitive ideas to form an independent and logical conclusion, every time. It is important to choose to think. Left to itself, mind will nevertheless think. Being conscious of the thread of thoughts creates space for taking responsibility of those thoughts and makes one capable of owning oneself. Understanding what we experience, either in the form of reading or simply being, requires going that extra mile to force oneself to sit and ponder.

If I may take it to the next level, these thoughts make coherent sense when we decide to involving all our senses to experience them. This means that the entire thought process needs to be pondered over and written down. Writing down ensures that we re-read the thoughts and eliminate prejudices and egotism, as we develop an understanding around its validity. It also ensures that we consciously, without being politic, take complete responsibility of what we think. Writing it down and sharing with an audience, takes it a level higher, where we fearlessly leave our thoughts to be challenged.

This is exactly why when I decided to create 100 Writing Days, and could take it only so far as 11 days, I justified it to myself; but chose not to accept that justification in writing, thereby leaving it susceptible to question.

 

After much deliberation and postponement, at this point, where I am unable to pick another fine written word, without committing myself to writing about as many things as possible, the first thing I am doing with this piece, is taking responsibility of the cause I failed. But I resolve to take it up once again.

 

Taking a different Approach

So here is what I am doing this time; I am defining my audience.

I made some amazing friends in college. I have decided that they shall be my audience. I realize that when they are my audience, I am able to write. I can think with them and communicate my sentiments. I can feel their arguments and I can imagine myself providing responses as suited; just what I fail to do when I am left to myself.

To those amazing friends, I am not sure you will reach here. If you do, I am not sure if I will make sense to you. But while I write, I imagine that we are having these conversations in those coffee shops; just like the old times. That version of you is listening and arguing and making counter proposals to me as I try to approach my thought. That thrill of conversation shall enable this blog.

To you, my dear reader, while eventually I shall fizzle away, till that time, I ask you to be a part of these conversations.

To all those days in college, to all those hours spent in trying to un-spun myself, to all those awkward lonely alone times, when I failed to find a sense of being, I commit to write. I commit to force myself to question what I read and present what my plausible view is, open to arguments and questioning.

 

While I am not writing, I shall keep reading. For those are the thoughts, someone else has left open to challenge. The conversation needs to be alive, in the mutual effort to make sense of things, thereby trying to make a change in ways we perceive and respond to life, hopefully making life more livable in the process.

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